Day 16 - The Santa Clause

Man, does Santa get the shaft in this one. I mean, normally in holiday movies we get a mall Santa or two, or in something like Miracle on 34th Street, he's this wonderful jolly man with the perfect life at the North Pole.

But in this mid-90's classic, we find Santa sliding off the snowy roof of Tim the Tool Man Taylor - I mean, Scott Calvin, toy company ad man - and dying at the feet of Scott and his son, Charlie.

Who, buy the way, is apparently only 3 years younger than me and now looks like this:

Aaaand now I feel a little bit like a creeper.

Anyway, we all know the story. Scott, try as he might, cannot avoid his destiny to become Santa Claus. And, as the following year progresses, he gets more and more jolly - both emotionally and physically. But, unlike your standard Santa Claus, Scott has collateral damage in the form of his son, and it's only made worse by his ex-wife's smarmy psychiatrist husband, Neil. Neil doesn't believe in Santa because when he was 3, he didn't get a stupid Oscar Meier Weenie whistle. Santa probably didn't get you that whistle because it's a stupid gift, even for a 3 year old. Neil, for some reason not explored in the movie, retaliates by wearing Bill Cosby-style sweaters all the damn time.

You know, Neil, maybe Santa would visit you if you weren't such a straight up dingus.

So, here's the burning question. When you become Santa, do you live longer, like the elves? Or is there a new Santa every 40 or so odd years? Is that why Bernard is so frustrated with Scott not understanding the clause, because he's explained it 300 times already? Or is it because he's actually Jewish and no one bothered to ask?


All I'm saying is, I'd like to better understand the logistics behind all this. If you PUSH Santa off the roof and put on his suit, do you still get to be him even though you committed Claus-icide? Can a woman become Santa Claus? If a woman puts on the suit, does SHE grow a beard? If you become Santa, but then you get sick of it, can you pass on the sash and cap and retire, or are you stuck suffering with the beard and extra pounds until you yourself slip and fall to your death. As an aside, I find it very hard to believe that falling from a second story roof would kill you immediately. Then again, if you're 400 years old, maybe you're a little frail. Nah, all that milk, Santa's gotta have bones stronger than friggin' Wolverine.

I think we've gotten a little off-track here. What was I saying?

Oh right - in this movie, Santa has to grapple with real life, balancing his family with his newly acquired responsibility. Scott struggles much like we all do, trying to balance work with the added tasks of buying presents, baking cookies, and spending time with family. If he can manage as Santa Claus, can't we all figure out a balance in order to enjoy the holiday season?

Then again, if we can't get it all done, we could just ice up the roof and buy some more time on Christmas Eve by putting on the red suit ourselves.

This entry was posted on Sunday, December 16, 2012. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

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