Day 14 - A Very Brady Christmas

Aww, look at that. Our favorite wholesome family is all grown up and coming together once again for the holidays.


But surely it can't be that easy. Surely Mike and Carol Brady can't get everyone back to their extremely dated Southern California home to spend a happy Christmas together.

They do, and boy is there a lot of shit going down in this family.

Gone are the days when all the Bradys had to deal with were people teasing Cindy for her lisp or Jan feeling invisible as the middle child. What do we have here, though? Let's do the run-down:

-- Marcia's husband lost his job
-- Jan and her husband are separating
-- Peter is feeling insecure because his girlfriend not only makes more money than he does but also is his boss
-- Bobby dropped out of graduate school to be a race car driver instead
-- And sadly, Sam the butcher left Alice for a younger woman

As for Greg and Cindy, well, their storylines are kind of bland. Greg's wife wants to spend Christmas with her family and Cindy would rather go skiing with her college friends. Oh, and just to remind you, we're supposed to believe that Cindy, at about 28 years old, is supposed to be a young college student living up the dorm life.

Also, we're supposed to believe this girl..


...grew up to become this girl.


Obviously there's some kind of craziness going on here, because just four years earlier, Peter Venkman was trying to hit on her while doing psychic research at Columbia.
"Is it a star?"
 
 
Anyway, now that the kids are out of the house, Mike and Carol are living the good life. Carol finally understood women's lib and got a job in the workforce, and Mike's still an architect. They recently collaborated on a project and will be celebrating Christmas by themselves. They plot out extravagant vacation surprises for each other, but they have a problem: they're trying to draw money from the same vacation fund. When Carol tries to pay for a vacation to Greece at the travel agent, the bank notifies the agent that there's no more money left in the account. All of a sudden, the smile drops from the agent's face. No longer a paying customer? Get the fuck out, Mrs. Brady, if that's your real name! Mike comes to the rescue, explains the deal, and then they all share a laugh. The smile comes back to the agent's face, until the Bradys tell her to piss off.
 
So, it then becomes a very Brady Christmas. All the kids come home. Alice comes back to stay with the Bradys. And hey, look! Alice's uniform is still there! For all the time throughout the movie that the Bradys say she's staying there as a friend, Alice seems to be doing a lot of housework. Except now she's not even getting paid. She's even picking up all the kids from the airport. Merry Christmas, Alice!
 
When all is said and done, all the problems get resolved. Jan reconciles with her husband. Peter proposes to his girlfriend. Greg's wife arrives to spend Christmas. Marcia's husband gets a job opportunity. Cindy says, "Remember me? I'm still here." And Bobby? Well, everyone's disappointed in Bobby, but they reply with the whole, "If you're happy, we're happy" lie.
 
It's a happy ending! But wait, there's a problem at the construction site. There's been a cave in at the building Mike designed on the land that Carol sold! Two security guards are trapped! Mike Brady to the rescue. He saves the guards, but gets trapped himself. What do we do? Clip show flashback saves the day.
 
Remember when Carol Brady lost her voice and "real" Cindy asked Santa for her mom's voice back so she would be able to sing at the Christmas church service? Well, if you didn't, "fake" Cindy is here to remind you. Carol enjoys the flashback so much she decides to sing the exact same song. And what do you know? The power of Christmas gives Mike Brady superhuman abilities and he climbs out of the wreckage unharmed.
 
Back at the house, everyone sits down to dinner again. Ding dong. Who is it? It's Santa! Except it's not. It's Sam. He's crawling back to Alice. Everyone's happy and singing.
 
So what does this mean for Christmas? It means that even the picturesque perfect family is dysfunctional as all hell. When it comes to Christmas, though, everyone lays their cards on the table and chills out. Being with family and friends is all you really need.
 
Meanwhile, all those Bradys and their individual families in that one house, and there's still no toilet. Either they're all really bound up, or the tub has multiple uses.
 
Merry Christmas from Roto-Rooter, Brady family!


This entry was posted on Saturday, December 15, 2012. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response.

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