Syntaxtual Healing

That's not a typo. This is not a post about an epic weiner. It's about a TV.

So, ever since we moved into our house a year ago, I've been complaining about how I can't read the channel guide from bed when watching TV without my glasses. Because if I lay down with them on it's uncomfortable, plus what if I fall asleep? First world problems, I know.

On top of that, our TV downstairs gets way too much light, and it makes the awesome plasma screen look not so awesome. Now I know this makes me sound like a whiny bitch, and I know I have 2 nice HDTVs so I should just shut the hell up. But hear me out here - we watch a lot of TV. Aside from reading, its our biggest past-time. We don't spend a lot of money going out to the movies, but we watch TV and movies at home. So if I'm going to watch some kickass explosions or Ryan Reynolds take his shirt off, I want MAXIMUM QUALITY.

So for weeks, and weeks, and weeks, the hubby has been researching TVs. This is what he does. He mulls over new electronics until something newer comes out. Weighs the pros and cons, reads reviews, researches the shit out it. And finally we decided. We were going to get a 55" 3D, LED LCD, technical jargon technical jargon, blah blah yadda yadda HDTV. They had it at Sam's Club, which, because we are such high rollers, we happen to be members.

So a few Saturdays ago, we hop into my Nissan Versa and putter on down the road to our local club. We get there, and as per our usual MO, seek out the floor model for once last assessment of whether this is THE TV TO BUY. It just so happens that backing up to the 55" TV was the same model...only...bigger.

When it comes to certain things in life--chocolate bars, paychecks, and TVs--bigger is certainly better.

There was more weighing of Pros and Cons on the part of the hubby, but I was in love. Neil Patrick Harris' head was bigger than the hubby's (and he has a big head). I pushed...and pushed...and finally convinced him. We got our 65 inches of HD glory.

But the story doesn't end there. Remember my car? My Nissan Versa? It's a hatchback...not an SUV.

The fucking TV did not fit through the opening of my hatchback.

We tried, and tried, and looked like two fools in the parking lot. We laughed at our idiocy. We did not return the TV. I called KIP. She didn't answer (the bitch). I sent her a desperate text to answer her phone, knowing that she was probably just ignoring me. I called again.

That bitch is a good friend.

20 minutes later, there she was. Shoeless, frazzled, and ranting about dinner reservations and needing to get home in less than 40 minutes. We loaded up the TV, and I rode with her to our house. The hubby lost us less than a mile into the ride. Luckily, no speeding tickets were issued.

Stay Tuned for KIP's side of our 65 Inch Adventure.