The Frosty Cocktail
2 parts double Gin and Tonic with lime
1 part late 60's animation
1 part cozy family room (fireplace optional)
Twist of kitten on your lap
Add first 3 ingredients, stir, top with kitten.
I will admit, I had a bit of a crappy day today. We both did. Nothing particularly catastrophic, but one of those days where you want to come home, forget the day, and probably sulk a bit. But alas, I have a job to do, and today's job is to bring my thoughts to you all on the TV special we all know and love, Frosty the Snowman.
But, I thought, what could I say about the cartoon we've all watched since we were children. Even older friends have watched this since childhood - it came out in 1969. So, I thought, why not add a few cocktails and see what comes out of this slightly boozed up brain of mine?
Silly, silly, silly!
Why does the sign to the schoolyard look like the arch over a cemetery entrance? Further more, is Frosty a child or mentally handicapped? What level of acid were people dropping when they wrote his dialogue?
In all honesty, this special is pretty much like the progression of a night of drinking. After a few drinks, you're feeling good, but you aren't quite all there. You can count to 5, but maybe not to 10. You can talk, but maybe your speech pattern has become a tad bit rudimentary. But, you're having fun with your friends - you're dancing, you're singing, you're having a damn parade with props.
Then, you get a little too randy, and you mess around with a cop. Your tipsy friends follow along. Luckily, you're not falling over drunk yet, so he lets you go, but not without a few admonitions first.
What's a traffic light?
You want a ticket wise guy?!
Then, being the considerate drinker you are, you don't drink and drive. But you have somewhere to go, so you decide a train might be your best bet. Of course, you've spent all your money on booze, and all you do is waste the train employee's time. What's a drunk snowman to do? Well obviously, you should follow your drunk apparition of a bouncing bunny and hobo it onto a boxcar. Your friends have even lost sense of time, thinking they can make it to the North Pole and back before dinner.
Suddenly, we transition from happy, goofy, slightly buffoon-like drunk to mean drunk. We see something we think belongs to us, and we've got to get it back.
Think nasty, think nasty, think nasty!
The drunk in us has transitioned from Frosty to Professor Hinkle.
Now it's cold. We're not laughing anymore, and our friend Karen is passed out.
To top it all off, we're not only hallucinating our rabbit Hocus, but that the entirety of the woodland nation is decorating for Christmas. Karen wakes up, but we feel ostracized (tell me this doesn't happen to you at least once every time you're drunk at a party), further reinforcing this stage in our drunkenness. Maybe Santa can help!
But before our last hallucination can arrive, our nasty, nasty self makes a return. We try to run, but try as we might, we can only run from the nasty drunk in all of us for so long.
The final stage of our drunken Frosty episode includes further hallucination and the arrival of our final transition - from mean drunk Professor Hinkle to sad, weepy drunk Karen.
Wandering in from the cold, we find a nice warm greenhouse to sleep off the drunk. But it's here that our friend, our dear hallucination Frosty, melts away before our eyes. What is a drunk to do? Well, at this stage in the night, crying is our only option. Lucky for us, we're still pretty blitzed and our Santa hallucination can save the day!
Now that I think of it, maybe we were drunk Karen all along. I mean, she names Frosty, and aside from her friends seeing her off at the train station, the only support we have for her story are a hopping, English-comprehending magician's rabbit, an angry, yellow-green skinned, bitter magician, and Santa Claus.
Now that's a chick I'd like to drink with this holiday season.
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